hello, ghost

window to the soul

2011-02-01T01:22:00.002+08:00

a glimpse of mine

Surprise me

2011-01-30T00:36:00.001+08:00

Careful, this shits expensive.

2011-01-25T00:19:00.006+08:00

should i give a shit about the fact that you don't give a shit?

photo taken in Penang, 2009.

2011-01-24T23:37:00.002+08:00

Kids.

I hung out with my little cousins today for what felt like forever because they're just so much fun. I love their zest for life and their enthusiasm about almost everything. Mostly, I love how they're just so straight forward don't hesitate to tell you what they want/don't want or like/don't like. When they laugh (be it a lame joke or not), they really do LAUGH and you know its real laughter resonating from within. You can be sure its not fake laughter or some high and mighty scoff. They have not yet mastered the art of deception and cannot lie to you (but you can lie to them if 'its for their own good') hohoho

MOST OF ALL, i love the questions they ask. Oh, the innocence. The CURIOSITY.

The set of ridonkulous questions they asked me today:

GWEN

"Che che, why you wear three rings? Does that mean you married three times already?"

"Che che, how many boyfriends you got?"

She has 3, which is why she thinks the whole world must have more than one boyfriend.

"Che che, why you got so much money?"

"Che che, why your boob so big?"

I laughed like crazy at this one, because not both boobs, just BOOB (God knows where she learnt the word). and to which I answer "cause they grew la. your one will also grow one day"...to which she proceeds to stare at her own flat chest.

"Che che, when you go back to Africa?"

I was like "WHAT??"

To which she replies "No no, Americahh"

"You mean AUSTRALIA???"

El-Gene

"Eh che che why your school holiday so long, can have 3 months one?"

"Che che why is your english so good?"

"WAH CHE CHE WHY YOU CAN TYPE SO FAST!!!"

To which i reply nonchalantly with "just practice lah"

"Che che how much you buy your Blackberry?"

I explain the cost and he proceeds to ask me if he can buy one too with his own meagre savings.

Funny how they view the world from such a flat, single-angled perspective. Funny to think that we were once that naive and small. And curious.

mini me

2011-01-24T09:41:00.001+08:00

And so...

this week we set out on our own separate adventures.

stay true to yourself.

2011-01-20T03:48:00.001+08:00

and so its the same pain. every night.

the same emptiness

2011-01-20T03:26:00.001+08:00

insatiable

2011-01-18T02:51:00.003+08:00

Love; the famous four-letter word that the whole world is so hyped up about.

If there's one truth about love, its that its over-commercialized and it has been replicated over and over again to form this idea that its so worthy of finding. That its all a bed of roses.

Hollywood has glamorized the whole concept of falling in love.

The truth? Love can only take us so far, the rest is up to us.

Love merely forms for us the path, its how we carefully choose to tread our steps down this pathway that makes the difference; the amount of time and effort we choose to put in, to make this love worthwhile.

we all forget

2011-01-17T01:25:00.002+08:00

that its those little things that matter

2011-01-17T00:12:00.001+08:00

help me find the weight of your words.

2011-01-15T11:28:00.000+08:00

Dead but alive.

Ghost; Bare Essentials.

2011-01-14T04:31:00.004+08:00

*all pictures unedited.

2011-01-13T13:59:00.001+08:00

seven days without love makes one weak

Happy Hari Jadi

2011-01-13T02:55:00.002+08:00

Another year, another birthday.

We're with different people now/we're different people now.

Time to let go off stupid grudges.

Whoever you've become or whoever you end up with,

Happiness, I wish you. And strength to be the person you always want to be.

sleepless

2011-01-12T05:17:00.007+08:00

My worst nightmare does not even require me to be asleep to begin with.

Its those moments without you that hit me. When i am truly without you. When the distance really sinks in.

Oh, how i dread that feeling. I've been there before and the pain is relentless everytime it hits.

What is meant to be mental pain becomes so real that it turns into physical pain. The slow, sharp prod in the heart; with every throb sending waves of acid to every inch of my body. Slowly, burning. Like salt to the wounds.

The hightlight of the nightmare is the fact that i've been there before, and i'll be there again in the near future.

Recurrent.

Scares me shitless every ****ing time.

2011-01-11T23:17:00.007+08:00

MESSY, my schedule is.

Difficult, it is, to generate a plan that satisfies all.

And also, a plan that does not BEND those house rules.

"Not too late" - a very loose term, as your late and my late obviously do not match on the same clock.

"You're a girl, aren't girls supposed to stay at home more?" - agreeable, but only to a certain extent. Yes, it is good to be home bound once in a while, since staying at home means being able to cultivate some...FAMILY bonding. And less importantly, it also means being able to seek refuge in the safety of home from all the danger that Malaysia has to offer today (rape + murder + mugging + you name it we have it + wow, such the patriotic person I am)

But re-read that phrase again; doesn't it sound like something you would say to a girl living during the industrial revolution where the men go out to work and the women stay home to man the house?

Oh, I love home, don't get me wrong. Its an avenue to relax by watching TV, going online, baking with mom or immersing myself in a good book (all of which I did today). But there is only so much relaxing I can do. Staying home slows me down while I like to be on the move; be it out at the gym or catching up with friends over some coffee. I love to drive, i love to run errands. I need people. I need to talk. I need to listen. To more than just one voice.

All this written off the top of my head.

Bound to raise some...controversy especially from my mother who will sooner or later be reading this as she stalks my every movement online (Facebook, Twitter, Blogspot)

Oh, please don't kill me. I love you, but please don't kill me.

Ladies, what do you think?

Its so quiet at home now. I'm going to create some noise by playing the piano, albeit it being 12:07am at the moment.

Ps: Really, mummy, please don't kill me.

2011-01-11T03:23:00.005+08:00

And... it all boils down to the same old thing.

House rules.

Living by other people's rules and putting your own rules on hold.

In this case, it doesn't matter however long you've been away from home or where ever in the world you've lived. Once you come home, its back to living under mom's government.

It isn't logical or rational, but it has never been. Tradition, family values, asian culture. All have been practiced for generations; brought down by a long line of mothers before my very own mother.

One day in the distant, I too will form my own government and instill these...house rules.

Oh, my kids are gonna hate me.

1 2 3

2011-01-10T03:16:00.001+08:00

2011-01-09T03:23:00.001+08:00

So, how superficial are you?

2011-01-08T15:17:00.001+08:00

what are we waiting for?

2011-01-06T05:14:00.001+08:00

priorities.

My word of the year; 2010.

2011-01-05T12:07:00.005+08:00

"NO WORRIES"

A slang/jargon/lingo that I undoubtedly picked up during my year in Australia because its so commonly used there.

What it means [According to Wikipedia]:

"No worries" is an Australian English expression, meaning "do not worry about that", or "that's alright". It can also mean "sure thing" and "you're welcome".

What it really means [According to Me] :

A: Oh I'm so sorry I stepped on your foot.

B: Hey, its ok no worries.

A: Thanks so much for telling me how to get to ________.

B: Oh, hey no worries man.

A: Hey can I have the last piece of chicken?

B: Yeah, go ahead, no worries.

A: I'd like to apologize again, for driving over your cat.

B: No worries. Just be careful next time.

A: Thanks again, for dropping me off!

B: No worries at all!!

A: I'm sorry I tried to steal your husband and your son.

B: Yeah, no worries. Shit happens.

A: Hey mate can you pass me that axe, I'd like to kill myself.

B: No worries mate, just a moment.

A: Hey buddy I'll be a bit late today, I have stuff to do.

B: No worries man, I've got time.

The point is that the Aussies use it so frequently, no matter what the condition is or how extreme the condition (which I have obviously exaggerated in the dialogues above).

What actually happened:

Me: Hello excuse me, do you know where the toilet is?

Cashier : Ah, tandas yang terdekat tu kat Oval (this was at One U). Lepas tu belok kiri ye.

Me: Oh okay! Terima kasih (a)bang. *proceeds to walk off*

Cashier: *shouts* EH EH sorry! belok kanan! Kat Oval, you belok kanan. Sorry ye.

Me: Ohh! No worr......... TAK APA (a)bang! Thank you!

He stared at me funny like I was trying to muffle a curse word. Sigh.

Its just such a strange word to use here in Malaysia. No worries. I love how it exudes courtesy and pleasantness. It sounds better than "Its OK" or "That's fine".

I think I'll start using "no worries" back here in Malaysia despite the weirdness.

Malaysian Hospitality right?

phonecall

2011-01-03T21:49:00.002+08:00

there you are

do you feel it too?

this anticipation.

the simplest of words

2011-01-03T02:36:00.003+08:00

its been a while

come here

and let me love you

again

maybe i can put the explosions back in your sky

2011-01-01T11:48:00.002+08:00

Nostalgia.

Deep, dark, foul nostalgia.

Hit me the way an epiphany would hit.

And here I am again.

2011-01-01T01:32:00.002+08:00

oh my God who pressed the RESET button

Letters to the Immortal Beloved - Ludwig van Beethoven

2010-12-11T22:49:00.004+08:00

Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.

Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

2010-12-02T20:30:00.001+08:00

you write your own stories

2010-12-01T22:47:00.002+08:00

i've been waiting for you

2010-11-28T19:41:00.000+08:00

Recycle me.

good things come to those who wait

2010-11-18T10:35:00.003+08:00

today, we meet again.

as i watch on.

2010-11-16T23:56:00.003+08:00

tonight, more goddesses claim to be of your creation.

made of your blood, your sweat. your sculpting fingers.

mama

2010-11-12T00:12:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered about the type of parent you'd become?

Karma?

2010-11-10T18:11:00.002+08:00

In your face, biatch.

words of wisdom

2010-11-07T15:45:00.004+08:00

look before you leap,

think before you speak.

because you're still gonna be wet after you get out of the water,

and water doesn't dry that quick.

H-12

2010-11-07T00:28:00.006+08:00

These quiet nights, perfect for reminiscing, remembering, then re-evaluating.

Realizing how far i've come as of today, how much more i could become. Setting my priorities straight; deciding on which sector of life to place as that fattest slice of my pie chart.

Or, to put in a very crude manner; thinking about the people I've picked up and discarded along the way. The re-evaluation of the relationships that I've built in this place away from home. This entire life that I've created for myself in this place.

Rethinking my set of values. My principles. My beliefs.

Trying to see myself from someone else's shoes. The disposition of which I possess; is that how I want to be seen?

Its nights like these, when I seem to retreat into myself and see life in a completely different picture. I don't just see and plot that future ahead of me, but I look back at the road I've travelled. It's nights like these when I hit the refresh button in my brain, and then tomorrow, I'll wake up feeling... brand new.

optimism

2010-11-06T14:51:00.002+08:00

i'm made of it.

memories 2006

2010-11-05T02:15:00.004+08:00

Getting awarded at camp, but that's not the point of this picture.

Its the mad T-shirt tan that I got from kayaking from Lumut to Pangkor Island for 2.5 hours under the strong Malaysian sun.

I miss the sweat, the sun and the adventure.

Then you have me kayaking my ass off.

Girl's tent, back off.

The night I decided that 8 girls in a tent was too much for me to handle (too much estrogen in the air), and I snuck out to sleep outside alone under the moonlight. It was going well, until it started raining.

And here I am now, in a completely different country. But hey, at least I have an even tan.

Truth, for people who have become bitches of the LDR (:

2010-11-05T02:03:00.000+08:00

“The long-distance relationship is, by definition, doomed. The only way a long-distance relationship can amount to anything is for it to become a short-distance relationship. Distance may be fine for relatives and old friends, but when it comes to romantic love- that mysterious chemical reaction that’s set off when two people occupy the same physical space- the long-distance relationship is a poor excuse for the real thing. To have a long-distance relationship is to go only halfway there. It is to talk love’s gooey baby talk but not walk its rocky path. It is, literally, to phone it in.

Or so they say. Consider this: the greatest sex toy ever invented may be the telephone. Sometimes there’s nothing more erotic than a disembodied voice, no question more tantalizing than a whispered “What are you wearing?” especially when you can make up the answer. On the phone your hair always looks great, your legs are always shaved, your worst pair of underwear becomes a silk negligee. Your lover, too, reaps the benefits of being a single dimension. He’s a mere outline of a person, and you can fill in the details as you please. He’s not wearing an ugly shirt. You can’t see his latest skin blemish. He’s not working late and missing dinner. He’s yours and yours alone. In your own mind, anyway.

To believe in the fidelity of a disembodied voice, to be as smitten with someone’s absence as you are with his presence, is to be a true romantic. It is to live for the future. It is to believe in the impossible, or at least the improbable. It is to hold out hope that something’s going to change someday, that all this impracticality will eventually give way to something radical, something brave, something involving a moving van. Until then, you wait. You make use of the time. You work, see your friends, completely redo the bathroom. You’re a pillar of productivity. It’s not a bad lifestyle- except for those phone bills.

Of course, people will tell you that you’re kidding yourself, that you’re naive, that you can’t possibly know if a relationship will last unless you’re in it day to day, unless you witness the entire evolution of a skin blemish and are familiar with the whole array of ugly shirts. The long-distance relationship, though the domain of dreamers, is also a haven for self-deluders, for noncommiters, for, some might say, lazy bums. It’s for those who want the perks of romance- the flowers on valentine’s day, the guarantee of a phone call at night- without doing the hard work of a real relationship.

But, oh, the fondness that can bloom in a heart that knows so much absence! Is there any emotion richer than longing, any moment more heartbreaking than the moment you put down the telephone receiver after a marathon call with the one you love but for whatever reason are not with? The long-distance relationship may have its limits, but for those who repudiate its merits, who chalk up the whole endeavor to immaturity or fear or laziness, are surely suffering from a woefully conventional view of relationships. Long-distance relationships have an urgency that couples in short-distance relationships can only dream of. Every second together counts. Every shared meal is savored; every kiss must be good enough to last weeks, maybe even months. Have you really lived, after all, if you haven’t searched for your beloved’s face at an airport gate, cursing the flight delay because you have only a weekend before you must part again? We should all be so lucky to seal in our memories the image of our lover on our doorstep, suitcase in hand, clothes wrinkled from a long trip, skin emanating a scent that we’ve forgotten but suddenly comes rushing back, bringing with it the recollection of the last time, which was too long ago and too brief, and ended with a tearful goodbye on this same doorstep.

In long-distance relationships, your life becomes compartmentalized: there’s the life with him and the life without him, and the life without him is much, much bigger. Your friends won’t know him (they may suspect you of inventing him). You’ll still attend weddings without a date (meaning you’ll be seated next to the groom’s nerdy cousin). If you’re tempted to cheat, you’ll be burdened with the knowledge that you’ll almost certainly get away with it. If you’re afraid he’ll cheat, then you probably shouldn’t be in a long-distance relationship.

Because contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful; it’s for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough. Yes, the long-distance relationship may be doomed. You can’t go on that way forever. But as long as you do, you’ll embody the twin virtues of independence and imagination. As you fall asleep alone, you’ll conjure the scent of your lover’s neck, the timbre of a voice over fiber optics, the ecstasy of seeing his face at the front door, which, thanks to him, is your favorite place in the whole house. After so much time apart, a suitcase itself is an aphrodisiac. The boy next door doesn’t have a prayer.”

- Meghan Daum’s collection of essays, My Misspent Youth

CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET HERE.

2010-11-05T01:57:00.002+08:00

because doing nothing with you is one of the best things we've done.

2010-11-03T12:58:00.003+08:00

I am ugly because; involuntarily,

your mind finds a way to contort it's image of me. It deteriorates my very being in your mind's eye.

Then, i can just see myself in your eyes, melting away into an ugly mess, into a pool of blotched lies.

And i lie, because;

the words that leave my mouth and enter your head become spun and twisted into a whole different reality. This whole reality in your head that you've built for yourself. It is dark and it is crawling with grotesque demons; phantoms of your past. Anything that enters it becomes distorted and disfigured.

Yet, you find comfort in this space because its a fort you've built for yourself, a defence mechanism. When you retreat, you escape into this hole, into this cave of darkness. And once you go, no one can go in after you. All we can do is pray that you walk out alive.

Perhaps, we spin our own truth into lies.

AK.

2010-11-02T13:04:00.004+08:00

its stupid how we don't know how much we appreciate something,

until its gone for good.

i know you're leaving me in due time, and i am going to miss you.

things will not be the same, as you are not just any ordinary friend to me.

you've become so much more.

you are someone who does not judge, someone who does not fail to offer a helping hand, someone who laughs at all my jokes (even if they're not funny), someone who understands me like no other, someone who thinks what i'm thinking before i even say it, someone i am just so glad to have met in this strange land (haha).

a friendship that i truly cannot sum up in a paragraph.

you've become so much bigger than that.

and when the time comes, i'm not going to wish i did more with you, or wish i said 'i love you' more.

because i'm going to embrace our today, and our tomorrow.

till the day we grow distant physically,

i'll know that i've shown you all my love and my friendship.

we will burn slow, but i'll never allow us to burn out.

Room, ala spoon.

2010-11-02T12:39:00.004+08:00

in this room of mine, i've built a little home for myself.

to be able to come back to this room, and feel peace.

to feel so at rest when i sleep; the pitch darkness massaging my body before I doze off.

and when i wake up in the morning; to feel the early rays of light peeking through my blinds, licking my body,

to feel so warm and protected under my quilt; as though covered by a cloud from the sky.

to feel comfort.

comfort for the soul.

sensual

2010-10-27T00:48:00.004+08:00

In a relationship as connected as this,

Pain felt by one is indefinitely felt by the other.

Tonight, I feel you.

And it feels raw, as though I could still smell the rain from the other night.

Your pain sears through me.

Faces

2010-10-25T09:17:00.003+08:00

While on a car journey in India.

I realized how lucky i was, to be shut in the comfort of our own car; as chaos reigned in the world outside.

People, hungry and poverty stricken. While we enjoy the air conditioning and the soft cushioned seats in the car. We, captured in solitude, whilst they, captured in their never ending thirst for more.

And all that separates us, is the glass windows of the car.

Today, it struck me. Are we really that different after all?

We may be captured in solitude, but inside us, chaos reigns. Inside, we all want more. We are all hungry. In some way or another, we know we lack something.

Behind those glass windows, we don't look any different to them.

what we are

2010-10-25T08:57:00.001+08:00

souls for sale

2010-10-22T23:29:00.003+08:00

when you contradict yourself

its not a lie to the world,

its a lie to self.

you've caught me

2010-10-20T07:40:00.002+08:00

you often see yourself in fragments in others

because we're all broken, one way or another

Pablo Neruda

2010-10-19T19:13:00.003+08:00

And one by one, the nights between our separated cities are joined to the night that unites us.

today

2010-10-15T02:19:00.003+08:00

we are 12 months old.

one full year, one full circle.

you've made this world complete for me.

in all its simplicity, i love you, Fei.

day 1

2010-10-11T12:16:00.003+08:00

She was a child before we were born,

Now she is helpless, old and forlorn.

She was a bride, long years ago,

Walking in beauty, her cheeks all aglow.

She was a mother, with babes at her breast,

Caring for others, giving her best.

She is a woman, salute her for this,

Now she is older and harder to kiss,

Speak to her gently, nurse her with pride

Now, as she waits to sail with the tide,

Maybe ours are the last hands she'll ever hold,

Let her know love again, now that she's old.

2010-10-06T17:13:00.002+08:00

My Songlist.

(the list of songs I can sing)

Compilation done by: Celina L, my mom (:

1	1	An Die Laute
2	2	Art Is Calling For Me (The Prima Donna Song)
3	3	Ave Maria (Caccini)
4	4	Ave Maria
5	5	Batti, Batti, O bel Masetto
6	6	Beautiful Dreamer
7	7	Bel Piacere (Agrippina)
8	8	Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind
9	9	Caro mio Ben (Thou, all my bliss)
10	10	Chi il bel sogno di Doretta (La Canzone di Doretta)
11	11	Di Spagna Sono Labella
12	12	Donne Vaghe (Giovanni Paisiello)
13	13	Green Finch and Linnet Bird (Sweeny Todd)
14	14	Have You Seen but the Whyte Lillie Grow
15	15	Heidenroslein
16	16	How Beautiful Are The Feet
17	17	I Attempt from Love's Sickness to Fly
18	18	I Could Have Danced All Night (My Fair Lady)
19	19	I Feel Pretty
20	20	I Know Him So Well
21	21	ICI-BAS
22	22	Il Bacio (The Kiss) (The Dream of Home)
23	23	It Was a Lover and His Lass
24	24	Le Violette
25	25	Manca Sollecita (Vaccai)
26	26	My Mother Bids Me Bind My Hair
27	27	Ner Cor Piu Non Mi Sento
28	28	O mio babbino caro
29	29	Once Upon A Dream
30	30	Piangero la Sorte mia
31	31	Piercing Eyes
32	32	Pur Dicesti, o Bocca Bella (Mouth so charmful)
33	33	Sailor's Song
34	34	Santa Lucia
35	35	Se tu m'ami, se sospiri (If thou lov'st me)
36	36	Sebben, crudele
37	37	Semplicetta Tortorella (Vaccai - skips of Third)
38	38	Someone Like You
39	39	Song To The Moon
40	40	Songs My Mother Taught Me (Als die alteMutter)
41	41	Spring Sorrow
42	42	Star Vicino (To Be Close)
43	43	Summertime
44	44	Sure On this Shining Night
45	45	The Mermaid Song
46	46	The Prayer
47	47	Think Of Me (The Phantom of the Opera)
48	48	Tornami a vagheggiar
49	49	Un Moto diGioja
50	50	Under The Greenwood Tree
51	51	Vilia
52	52	Was Ist Sylvia
53	53	Water Parted From The Sea
54	54	What I Did For Love
55	55	When Daisies Pied
56	56	When I Have Sung My Songs
57	57	Where the Bee sucks

Shocking. I didn't know that i had learnt this many songs in my lifetime.

Not all are my favourite though, but I love singing 'em all the same.

2010-10-05T22:58:00.004+08:00

Loneliness,

I invite you to join me in this bed tonight. I invite you to smother me.

I'll make sure I keep you company,

I'll be your friend and before you know it, you will cease to exist.

2010-10-05T11:37:00.000+08:00

i must be careful in here,

cause if i breathe too hard, i'll breathe you in.

True Love Isn't ... Sex.

2010-09-21T21:59:00.004+08:00

True love is not the same as sex. Many students (and many adults as well) confuse the intensity of sexual desire with true love. Perhaps you have wondered the same thing about your sexual desires for someone.

Sex as God intended it is not wrong. It was designed by God for procreation and fulfillment within the bounds of marriage. But sex and love are distinct. You can have sex without love and love without sex. Love is a process; sex is an act. Love is learned; sex is instinctive. Love requires constant attention; sex takes no effort. Love takes time to develop and mature; sex needs no time to develop. Love requires emotional and spiritual interaction; sex requires only physical interaction. Love deepens a relationship; sex without love dulls a relationship.

If love is more than lust, romance, infatuation or sex, you may wonder how you know whether you're in love. That’s the big question, especially when you find yourself attracted to members of the opposite sex and increasingly involved in dating. To answer that question, you need to know more than what true love isn’t. You need to understand what true love is. Just as many people confuse love with lust, romance, infatuation, and sex, many are also in the dark about the different kinds of love people express.

By: Josh McDowell

fragile

2010-09-21T02:02:00.001+08:00

once broken, considered sold.

greed

2010-09-08T19:08:00.004+08:00

maybe you've forgotten

maybe you've found another me.

Mr

2010-09-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

with eyes like these,

you see straight into my soul.

and when you open your mouth,

you speak directly to the heart.

when we were young

2010-09-04T00:50:00.001+08:00

do you remember

honest

2010-09-03T01:08:00.004+08:00

i want to touch many hearts,

but yours, i'd like to keep.

said she

2010-08-28T18:08:00.004+08:00

you can fall in love with my words,

but not in love with me.

the moment

2010-08-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

2010-08-24T04:14:00.004+08:00

to be the one to hold you close when you need warmth, to hold you close to the breast, close to the heart.

to be the first to see you when you wake, to be the last face you see before you slip into peaceful slumber, the last lips yours meet.

to be the one to know how you really feel, despite the absence of those three words.

to be the one you pour your heart and soul to.

to be the one you listen to when nothing else seems to make sense.

to be the one you choose to take on this journey of life;

to embrace every crossroad, to experience greater edification, to shed every tear, to make every laugh last longer.

to be the one.

stars; your ex-lover is dead.

2010-08-24T03:55:00.008+08:00

can one love two at the same time?

i'd rather not know.

2010-08-16T19:38:00.003+08:00

WHAT.

The only word formed by my mouth while opening my storage box, looking for more toothpaste.

No sign of it.

I dig deeper for my Sensodyne toothpaste like a squirrel looking for nut while the other products stare back at me hoping to be chosen. I toss aside bottles of my Lavender shampoo and contact lens solution and find no Sensodyne toothpaste.

How is it that someone as well-stocked as I am, can be out of toothpaste?

Or how is it that someone as dentally orally teeth-crazy as I am, can even FORGET to buy new toothpaste?

Now we're talking about someone who has come home drunk and has collapsed in bed, but has still found the ability to suddenly bolt upright as if resurrected from the dead, 10 MINUTES LATER, just to brush her teeth in a drunken stupor?

How could I forget to buy new toothpaste.

I would rather spend the last 5 minutes of my life FLOSSING and BRUSHING my teeth if an asteroid were to hit earth instead of copulating with the hottest male being on earth.

Ok that was a joke I'm just being melodramatic.

Now I am fresh out of the bath, and am ready to brush my teeth. I decide I am sick of prying and squeezing out that last ooze of toothpaste from my currently deflated tube of Sensodyne.

I walk towards my storage box, feeling comforted and eager to rip open that new box of toothpaste.

Only to find that, I have forgotten to buy new toothpaste.

Blasphemy.

Now all I can do is scavenge the decks of iHouse, going from room to room begging for a dollop of fluoride. Armed with nothing but my toothbrush.

(once again, being melodramatic)

Or I can try to squeeze out the last miniscule amount of toothpaste from my flattened tube of Sensodyne.

Whatever it is that happens, I am SO going toothpaste shopping tomorrow.

Oh, Jon Foreman. Your Love is Strong.

2010-08-15T21:56:00.004+08:00

I'm not the type to post lyrics to my blog but some songs are too great to be missed.

What a powerful yet simple song.

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

(Chorus 3x)

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

10

2010-08-14T23:09:00.001+08:00

its our tenth.

and this is where i am now.

and that is where you are.

to my star,

2010-08-13T18:06:00.001+08:00

burn bright,

but don't burn out.

Psalm 37:37.

2010-08-13T15:15:00.004+08:00

Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

tears

2010-08-13T12:51:00.003+08:00

wish i could do more than just sit here.

i'd take on half the pain if i could.

you don't know what it's like, you don't know what it's like,

to love somebody, to love somebody,

the way I love you.

climbing

2010-08-12T15:49:00.003+08:00

i'm on this road.

our road.

will you come along?

2010-08-10T23:57:00.003+08:00

sometimes, its not about how tall you stand.

it's about how high you're willing to fly.

Lost and Found.

2010-08-10T23:47:00.003+08:00

2010-08-10T23:29:00.006+08:00

In this maze I call life, its okay to get lost.

But make sure that we don't lose ourselves on the way.

I'd rather find myself than find the way out.

A person would not be found, if he was not lost in the first place.

hello

2010-08-09T21:55:00.003+08:00

Because these lonely hallways are patronized by the ghosts of what they could have been.

And they follow me wherever I go.

They leer at me as I sleep.

They watch as I type.

They long to be discovered.

outlandish.

2010-08-08T00:49:00.003+08:00

light

2010-08-08T00:23:00.003+08:00

i know i'll find You one day,

for today, your light guides me to you.

lovers in the grass

2010-08-06T00:07:00.003+08:00

with you, it always feels like a dream.

days are better, smiles last longer, laughter is louder, everything feels warmer.

with you, it always feels like a dream.

the best part is, i never have to wake up from it.

Ponders. Laments.

2010-08-04T22:45:00.004+08:00

Its so hard to find real people out there now. Harder to find people who really want to be your friend because they genuinely do. Without any ulterior motive.

They judge you before they even know you. If they like what they see, they decide to approach you. If you're not up to "standards", they ignore you or even shun you.

Its about what brand you wear, how pretty you look (or should i say fake), how rich you are and what race you are.

Branding, labels, status, race and colour.

Disappointing, really, some people of today.

2010-08-01T23:28:00.006+08:00

The best conversations are shared in the nude.

And i don't mean being stripped off one's clothes.

2010-08-01T00:30:00.002+08:00

pictures always tell a different story.

your words become worthless.

2010-07-30T02:03:00.003+08:00

it seems, you are always able to find me.

no matter how hard i hide, no matter how far i run.

no matter how subtle, no matter how deep.

sometimes i don't run. sometimes, i just get lost.

will you still find me then?

although, its not always hidden.

just undiscovered.

it seems, you are always able to find me.

and this.

2010-07-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

is where the end began.

still

2010-07-23T21:47:00.002+08:00

there's completely no way in denying this;

i'm empty without you.

from: you

2010-07-02T02:07:00.002+08:00

i miss you. your good morning's in the morning. i miss the way you smell..the way you sweat. the way your hair gets messy. i miss your groans and moans. i miss the way you look at me retarded cause i don't make sense - it keeps me in check.

2010-07-01T03:49:00.000+08:00

this is it. the pain is real tonight

2010-06-29T02:32:00.001+08:00

because no matter what, i know we'll find our escape.

either together, or in each other.

2010-06-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

sometimes, we can only wish.

because sometimes, it does come true.

when i decide to stop blogging in prose for a while

2010-06-17T20:11:00.009+08:00

today marks my fourth month here.

things I've learnt:

1) never be afraid to ask. my question, my benefit. you never know what you miss out on, till you ask. whether it is in class, or at lunch asking about the specials, or at the train station asking if i can get a cheaper ticket. you never ask, you never know.

2) how to do laundry. and what shrinks, and what doesn't. and what material is a bitch to wash. laundry is not fun. its a gruesome process involving more than just the chucking of your clothes into a black hole and then pressing the green button.

BUT fresh laundry that smells like flowers blooming in a meadow is a bonus.

3) how to manage my money. i love shopping, be it grocery shopping or clothes shopping or just shopping for hangers and lint rollers. i love new things *shiny*. clothes here are so awesome, especially the clothes during summer because i love beach wear.

if there's one thing i learnt here, is how fast money vanishes and how it does not grow on trees. HAHA.

4) how to wipe ass. and i don't mean my own ass or a baby's ass.

i mean full-fledged adult ass.

i went on clinical placement at a hospital for 2 weeks, 'nuff said. i just MIGHT be immune to the smell of shit as of now.

5) how to make friends all over again, from scratch.

coming to a completely new place, having no one i know is quite a problem. back home, someone was always a friend of someone else's, so it was more of being introduced. here, i start from square 1. today, i have at least 2 friends that are...real. you know? the type that's hard to find? haha.

6) how to write a uni assignment. i have never in-cited or referenced a dude's name so many times in my life. it feels we've been hanging out for so long that i start quoting what he says.

needless to say, referencing is a bitch. but that's just the way uni is done.

7) how to body board and body surf. the waves here are pretty intense, compared to the ones back home. even the normal waves here are capable of sucking me into the rip of the wave. i literally felt like i was in a washing machine for 3 seconds. i emerge with red eyes, coughing like a mad seal.

8) to trust nobody EXCEPT yourself. (and your mom)

9) how to rely completely on public transportation and my legs.

when i first got here, i felt so lost because back home, everywhere i went, i drove or was driven. here, everywhere i go, i need to take a bus or a train or walk. i have never walked so much in my life, till i got here. but thankfully, it is safer here. and thankfully, i have made some friends who have cars.

10) what it is like to really miss somebody.

and thus, begins my series of narcissism:

February:

my second week in Australia. when i was still 'skinny'. this was when i STARTED TO STOP crying every night for the first week, i think. i was diagnosed with homesickness.

March:

taken before or after beach. March was still a month of frequent beach visits every weekend, oh, how i miss the summer.

April:

Switchfoot concert T-shirt. Nuff' said.

May:

The beginning of May was jam-packed with assignments due here and there. The more the assignments, the rounder i grew, just like the chocolate i have in the picture.

The end of may, was when i attended my clinical practicum. This is my uni nursing uniform. The most enlightening 2 weeks of my life. Learnt so much.

June:

Started off with our iHouse Farewell Formal. People come, and now its time to part ways.

This was taken 2 days ago. Arruni and I studying. Exams next week, and its crunch time!

Back to the books.

mami mader momma mummy mom mum

2010-06-16T15:45:00.002+08:00

i think she's really pretty. beautiful.

DASHBOARD

2010-06-16T14:58:00.001+08:00

And I know that you hope for
Longer goodbyes
Embracing for forever
And falling in your eyes
In your eyes
Your eyes

Pouring over photographs
I'm living in your letters
Breath deeply from this envelope, it smells like you
And I can't be without that scent, it's filling me
With all you mean to me
To me

2010-06-15T13:38:00.005+08:00

i dreamt of a wedding.

a wedding bathed in white. a wedding garnished by blooming white lilies and roses. a wedding of white cloth draped all over the walls. i remember the strip of red on the floor, laid out for the bride to tread her soft elegant steps. the red in the wine glasses glistened while the guests whispered to each other in anticipation of the bride, creating a low buzzing sound.

i dreamt of a wedding, of which was not my own.

i picked up my own glass, and sipped on the blood red. i don't need to hear the wedding march to know that the bride has walked in;

the look on the groom's face was evident enough to show that his world had walked in.

2010-06-13T21:12:00.001+08:00

sometimes, we don't ask. we just love.

2010-06-13T18:20:00.001+08:00

for it is not what society is, that shapes you.

it is what society isn't.

2010-06-13T01:32:00.002+08:00

The most powerful force on earth is the human soul on fire.
When two hearts race, both win.

2010-06-12T02:39:00.001+08:00

definitely more than meets the eye.

par avion

2010-06-10T19:08:00.005+08:00

It can be the coldest day ever. Its goosebumps and icy fingers galore. My lips can be blue from the lack of warmth.

But upon seeing you, even if its through stone cold technological SKYPE or receiving your letter that travelled 6000km through rainwindsnow, the warmest sensation erupts from inside. *think volcano eruption. only its inside me. yes, sort of like an orgasm but cooler*

And i become the corniest person known to mankind.

2010-06-09T20:41:00.002+08:00

I love talking to you.

Asking you questions. Answering your questions. Leaving some questions unanswered. Because I know we'll find those answers together later at some point in this life.

I love talking to you.

2010-06-03T02:14:00.003+08:00

when the air starts to get stale, you know its time to get out before things start decomposing before your very eyes.

i'm going to open the door to let in some fresh air. then i'll make my way home.

2010-05-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

and to see love in the midst of war, gives me hope.